tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37068384608228483752024-02-06T23:19:37.305-07:00Thoughts expelled from my restless mindquarkwrighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02402272582770543873noreply@blogger.comBlogger32125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3706838460822848375.post-79916793136814173012012-04-17T14:19:00.003-06:002012-04-17T14:48:19.845-06:00The gift of Foaming HandsoapWelcome to a new feature on my blog (okay, we all know I post very infrequently, so perhaps calling it a 'feature' should be considered tongue-in-cheek.) Money-Saving Tips!Today's money-saving tip is all about foaming hand soap. If you have kids of just about any age, you know they have absolutely no concept of how much is too much. And using a pump-type handsoap can drive you crazy when you see quarkwrighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02402272582770543873noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3706838460822848375.post-3691053049386920932011-11-23T19:50:00.005-07:002011-11-23T20:09:38.781-07:00Questioning.... everythingI question everything now.I am clinically depressed.How much of each thought, each action, is the real me, and how much is the distortion of the depression?I get so easily irritated, I am so quick to blow up. I give up on things so quickly... it's just not worth the effort. But would the real me - without the filters of depression - be irritated by this, or angry at that? Would the real me give quarkwrighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02402272582770543873noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3706838460822848375.post-8120024910490494292011-11-17T09:30:00.004-07:002011-11-17T09:48:50.023-07:00Depression is the reverse of AmnesiaMaybe I need to post more Happy stuff.But hey, since no one is reading this anyways, it doesn't really matter - right??So, in the past 3 months I have been diagnosed with Depression, refused to take medication for it, and begun both counselling and marital counselling sessions.It is difficult... things in my marriage are improving, slightly, it seems maybe just because we are attending the quarkwrighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02402272582770543873noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3706838460822848375.post-71119967607692575752011-10-07T20:12:00.005-06:002011-10-07T22:10:25.785-06:00This is SO FUCKING HARD.I never realized before how almost-impossibly fucking hard it can be to ask for help.When I went back to seeing a diabetes team (nurse, dietician and endocrinologist) over two years ago, they asked me if I thought it would be helpful to see a psychologist.At first I resisted - resisted for nearly a year - but eventually agreed, so they put in a referral.The first referral fell thru completely.I quarkwrighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02402272582770543873noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3706838460822848375.post-52884044577640303832011-07-24T23:15:00.003-06:002011-07-25T07:19:14.428-06:00A question of honesty.My marriage is being eroded by questions I am afraid to ask.I've complained before about my husband and his smoking.The smoking bothers me, but there is also the question of trust.We have had fights, when I ask if he has smoked in the house. There are little things that make me think that maybe he has. He swears up and down that he hasn't.Today, I saw an empty pack in the kitchen garbage. We werequarkwrighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02402272582770543873noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3706838460822848375.post-61698559867711273762011-07-19T20:58:00.003-06:002011-07-24T23:15:05.022-06:00I Don't Care.I don't care.It's hard to think of another sentence in the English language that is used as often, and almost never means what it semantically says.More often it means "I don't want to care."; "I care too much."; or just "This hurts."It is a defense mechanism. A blanket of distance enfolding a wound, containing painful truths. It means "I don't want to fight about this." Or maybe "I can't talk quarkwrighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02402272582770543873noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3706838460822848375.post-54115630734302256642011-07-09T22:10:00.003-06:002011-07-09T22:17:43.311-06:00Me and NickiThere is another woman in my husband's life. She was there before he met me, and I told him I wouldn't hold it against him. Maybe I lied.But he married ME. Although he kept seeing her. He broke it off for a while, when my first child was born, but that didn't last long. And it drove me nuts to find him sneaking off to see her. There have been other times he has given her up, but he never seems quarkwrighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02402272582770543873noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3706838460822848375.post-32358795086990238652011-06-23T21:43:00.004-06:002011-07-24T23:10:08.520-06:00Where is this coming from?? (from 6-23-11)Have you ever cried for no reason? Not just for very little reason at all... Most of us agree is seems a bit silly to cry at a sappy comercial, or a sad song, or to cry the ugly cry because of one of those sentimental chain e-mails. I have cried real tears at sad movies... Beaches, My Life, Philadelphia and Dying Young are just a few examples.And I know I am not the only one who has been hormonalquarkwrighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02402272582770543873noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3706838460822848375.post-24246341603279359712011-05-13T21:14:00.002-06:002011-05-13T21:25:11.700-06:00What the hell am I doing?Still around, still moving forward, one second at a time. There doesn't seem to be much of an alternative, although a particularly persistent form of tunnel-vision might make that alternative seem more attractive than it actually is.I still often feel empty... pointless. I have so much of everything I ever wanted, but it just doesn't seem to make me happy anymore. And I feel guilty that I am not quarkwrighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02402272582770543873noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3706838460822848375.post-49227249065099122892011-04-04T21:19:00.002-06:002011-04-04T21:31:43.497-06:00On Fairness.Scott Adams (the guy who writes the Dilbert comics) is a blogger I follow sporadically. I missed the original, later deleted Men's Rights post, but stumbled on this post today. I was not offended by it. I accept that there are certain un-changeable reasons why men and women are different. And I also accept that these differences logically lead to some occasions where it makes sense to treat men quarkwrighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02402272582770543873noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3706838460822848375.post-59548828951361401682011-03-18T20:56:00.002-06:002011-03-18T21:17:18.913-06:00When did it slip through my fingers???I have been married now for very close to 15 years.I still love my husband very much, but I have become slowly more aware that the marriage I have now is not the marriage I had then, and is not really the marriage that I want...We are not as close as we once were. Some of this, I think, is normal. The insatiable hunger to be together, to touch, to commune, is somewhat satisfied over time. The quarkwrighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02402272582770543873noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3706838460822848375.post-1747359323105922522011-02-24T20:28:00.002-07:002011-02-24T20:38:48.125-07:00A Purpose in Life.I think I used to feel a purpose in life, but lately I have been floating... drifting... unsure anymore why I'm here, or what I want.I am still a mom, a wife, an insurance sales associate, but I reject the idea that any of these are the whole of my existence, my only reason for being.I used to dream of finding Mr. Right, getting married, having a family. I did not dream of selling insurance, butquarkwrighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02402272582770543873noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3706838460822848375.post-73898794152808417522011-02-03T22:48:00.002-07:002011-02-03T23:07:05.005-07:00Why am I following???At the moment, I am more of a blog reader than a blog writer (hence the sparse and widely-spaced posts.) I recently found a new blog, following from one of my favorites:http://thebloggess.com/through a link to a new blog:http://www.rrsahm.com/The old blog I followed because her quirky sense of humor delighted me, following threads into zany depths beyond any train-of-thought derailments I had quarkwrighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02402272582770543873noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3706838460822848375.post-28336263665304678182010-12-17T21:09:00.003-07:002010-12-17T21:14:31.899-07:00...with visions of broomsticks, stuck in his head.So it's almost Christmas, and the Christmas specials abound. The other day, 'Frosty the Snowman' was on TV. My oldest turned to me and said "You know, Mom, I always thought the song was 'with a broomstick in his head'.""Why on earth would you think the broomstick should be in his head?""I dunno. Maybe he was being chased by a lady who got creeped out by him when she was sweeping."I couldn't quarkwrighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02402272582770543873noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3706838460822848375.post-37505921381541717462010-11-04T22:01:00.002-06:002010-11-04T22:09:21.176-06:00Keep moving forward.... The alternative is to stop.Well, haven't updated in a while.I think I mentioned before that I never promised to, and since no one really reads this anyways, it shouldn't matter.We are back from Disneyworld. Had a marvellous time, reduced the stress levels a bit, maybe, for a while, but I think I still get way too stressed way too easily.Still working on the diabetes, have decided to ignore the other health issues. My quarkwrighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02402272582770543873noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3706838460822848375.post-66179189826625344632010-09-10T22:12:00.002-06:002010-09-10T22:15:36.446-06:00Updates.I am still struggling with issues related to my health, while adding a few new wrinkles to the mix, but I don't fell like talking about that now.Just wanted to brag that we are going to Disneyworld tomorrow, and staying for a whole week!! I might let you know about the trip after we get back, or I may go several more months without blogging and never mention it again. I'll decide later.:quarkwrighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02402272582770543873noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3706838460822848375.post-15307343529264195172010-07-29T21:52:00.004-06:002010-07-29T22:12:07.347-06:00Stress. Stress?? Maybe not.There is a lot of talk about stress, de-stressing, effects on your mood, your health, your well-being.What types of things stress you out?For health and other reasons, I have been trying to evaluate the stresses in my life, but I seem to just get more confused.Stress can be good, or bad. Too much stress is definitely a bad thing, but then probably too little stress is not good either. My quarkwrighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02402272582770543873noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3706838460822848375.post-33147074800322664222010-07-28T20:59:00.003-06:002010-07-28T21:07:49.254-06:00I'm trying...Last time, I posted about diabetes.I tried to give you some idea of what kind of balancing act it is, and how sometimes it can be really, really shitty trying to hold that thin balance between 'really dangerous and you could die right now' and 'uncomfortable now and will still kill you someday.'And sometimes you just get really, really tired of balancing. So you say 'Fuck it' and go lay down on quarkwrighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02402272582770543873noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3706838460822848375.post-52605998444528649462010-07-15T21:04:00.004-06:002010-07-15T21:56:12.556-06:00Diabetes - it sucks.I know there are many diseases in the world that are worse. Since Banting and Best discovered insulin (Go Canada!!) it is not a death sentence, but it is still a life sentence, and anyone battling chronic illness knows it can be exhausting and frustrating even when things are going well. And when they are not going well, it seems really unfair how easily the rest of the world (or so we perceivequarkwrighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02402272582770543873noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3706838460822848375.post-81355047718452928522010-03-16T21:56:00.002-06:002010-03-16T22:07:40.721-06:00Long time... no see.Well, so I'm not such a comitted blogger, am I? Never promised to be, though.Updates. Of the original fish, we still have the algae eater. He's (She's?) grown hella big, and seems to be thriving. Currently his (her?) only tankmate is a moonlight gourami, who apparently nibbled to death the bigger angelfish who had become the sole survivor of our previous fish... who I don't think was actuallyquarkwrighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02402272582770543873noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3706838460822848375.post-25554999987292813462010-02-05T22:27:00.003-07:002010-03-16T22:08:11.149-06:00Is that what that song really said?I had an odd mental flash the other day, listening to the radio in the car.It was Nickelback - and I love Nickelback - playing the song "Rockstar". The radio station did that thing where they fuzz out the lyrics when it gets to profanity. Words like f**k, s**t, and a** are muted, so you can't really hear them. Kind of dumb, really, because everyone still knows what the word is, and often it is quarkwrighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02402272582770543873noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3706838460822848375.post-45693399287873367422009-08-04T20:14:00.003-06:002010-03-16T22:08:31.811-06:00moustache waxing and all that.So Chris Rock had (still has? I never watched much, but I don't think it's on anymore) a show called "Everybody Hates Chris". It's apparently now in syndication, and YTV, one of the channels aimed at kids, has apparently decided that it will be entertaining for younger viewers and decided to air it. A similar decision to when they picked up "Malcolm in the Middle" a few years ago. I will not quarkwrighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02402272582770543873noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3706838460822848375.post-48880420920312086622009-06-29T21:23:00.002-06:002009-06-29T21:33:34.364-06:00Things I am thankful for.Just a few things recently got me to thinking: Even though I find many things to complain about, I am actually incredibly lucky in so many ways.I am thankful for:My husband.Two beautiful, healthy boys.Enough. Enough food, enough money, enough time, enough laughter.A nice house.A good job.My family and friends.The fish (at least some!) are still alive and growing! (We currently have 4. Lost two,quarkwrighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02402272582770543873noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3706838460822848375.post-34198740557702662532009-06-02T22:03:00.008-06:002009-06-02T22:42:38.269-06:00The power of electricitySo I had a bit of excitement this weekend.My children, they discovered the power of electricity.Exhibit A:Exhibit B:Exhibit C:In short, while I was busy talking to my sister-in-law on the phone my boys were busy getting into mischief. The 8-year-old at some point handed the 5-year-old the brass fastener (see exhibit A) and watched him insert it into exhibit B. Causing exhbit C. There was no quarkwrighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02402272582770543873noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3706838460822848375.post-40774168962517639092009-05-31T22:45:00.004-06:002009-05-31T22:59:16.605-06:00Parenting is never easy......And I may not know for years if I am making the right decision, or the wrong decision.My oldest son has always been an energetic, enthusiastic, imaginative child. When he began having difficulties in school, I assumed it was "Boys will be boys". Or it was a phase - maybe he would grow out of it? As the difficulties continued, it became more apparent that he continued to struggle, where most ofquarkwrighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02402272582770543873noreply@blogger.com0