Why the hell did I start a blog in the first place?
I am not even sure. I have toyed with the idea for some time now, being prevented mostly by my own laziness. (If anyone is even reading this, be warned that I may grow tired and/or disinterested in posting future updates at any time.) The idea of diarizing my thoughts has an innate appeal. People have maintained diaries for hundreds of years, long before the internet even existed. But typing it on the internet has an added appeal of ease of use (this is at least true in my own head) and ease of storage. And while the idea of others reading my intimate thoughts is frightening, it is also strangely attractive. Perhaps I am a repressed exhibitionist? And somehow the idea of strangers I will never meet knowing these thoughts is much less frightening than the idea of sharing them and being judged by the people I do know. Which probably says more about my self esteem than anything about the people I know.
And right now, I am feeling an urge to write these thoughts down in an effort to get them OUT OF MY HEAD. I do not know if the writing will actually expell them, or only lodge them more firmly where they are already stuck. But at this point I have to try something in the interest of my own mental health.
So here I am.