Tuesday, July 19, 2011

I Don't Care.

I don't care.

It's hard to think of another sentence in the English language that is used as often, and almost never means what it semantically says.

More often it means "I don't want to care."; "I care too much."; or just "This hurts."

It is a defense mechanism. A blanket of distance enfolding a wound, containing painful truths. It means "I don't want to fight about this." Or maybe "I can't talk rationally about this because I am so emotionally invested right now."

I don't care because I want to shut down and not hurt anymore. I'm building a wall to keep the ugliness away from the world where it will splash out and create more ugliness.

But what do I do if the festering mess inside presses too hard against the barriers, oozes out of all the cracks. Maybe I need to walk away from everyone and everything and just be more alone.

I don't care.

Note: This post was originally written July 19. I saved it, not sure I should publish right then. Now?? I don't care. :P

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